Gourmet Cannibal Bureau: Inspired
by the release of Hannibal, the
sequel to Silence of the Lambs, a
Los Angeles chef has answered the age-old question of
what wine goes best with grilled human. Her
recommendation: a 1959 Chateau Lafit Rothschild. Chef
Babette Ory also suggests serving the meal with a light
side dish, such as asparagus spears in a wine-butter
One final rule of thumb: Try to match the
age of the wine with the age of the person youre
Energy Crisis Solution of the Week: Actor
Marlon Brando once tried to power his home with electric
eels, according to the National Enquirer.
Weird PR Stunts: Pennsylvania tourism
officials have apparently lost their minds. In an effort
to promote their commonwealth as a forward-thinking
state that is on the cutting edge of technology,
they recently sent the following representatives to New
York City: Patty Melt, a giant walking cheeseburger who
serves as food safety mascot for the Pennsylvania Beef
Council; Louie the Lightning Bug, an electricity mascot;
Tip, a 7-foot-tall Crayola crayon who never
utters a word and has previously traveled to
Iceland, Chile and Poland; Yummie, an oversized
gingerbread boy who serves as the official ambassador of
Intercourse, Pa.; a Ben Franklin lookalike; Freddie the
fish (motto: Dont drown, get hooked on
water safety); and Cyber Phil, a towering
Alarming Trends Bureau: The decline of
Western civilization continues:
-- The photo spread in this years Sports
Illustrated swimsuit edition will include pictures of
Siegfried and Roy.
-- A Nevada spa has introduced massage oils that smell
like margaritas, gin and tonics, tequila sunrises, pina
coladas and other cocktails.
-- Rapper Snoop Dogg reportedly plans to license a line
of womens underwear featuring his face on the front.
Compassionate Conservatism, British-Style: An
English website is urging the mayor of London to
upgrade homeless people into
street musicians by giving them free accordions and
barrel organs, thus making them more likely to attract
Theological Puzzle of the Week: In the
movie Left Behind, when
Christians are supernaturally beamed up to heaven shortly
before Armageddon, their clothes, jewelry, eyeglasses and
other earthly accoutrements stay put, falling to the
ground in a heap. This prompts New York columnist Rod
Dreher to wonder: What, then, is going to
happen to breast implants? And artificial knees and hips?
On a related note, happy birthday to the
Antichrist, who just turned 39. The future dictator of
the world was born Feb. 5, 1962, according to dead
psychic Jeane Dixon. That means he or she is one of
approximately 9 million humans who came into the world
that day, including actress Jennifer Jason Leigh.
In other celebrity birthday news, Vanna
White, whose favorite vowel is the letter e,
turns 44 on Feb. 18. And Thomas Edison, whose last breath
was put in a bottle now on display at the Ford Museum in
Greenfield Village, Mich., would have been 154 on Feb. 11.
Off-Kilter Encyclopedia: The powder that
was used by the Founding Fathers to keep their wigs white
was made from ground rice.
Supermarket Tabloid Headline of the Week: Belly-Dancing
Terrorists Invade Britain! (Weekly World News)
Bonus headline, also from WWN: Is Grandpa
Acting Sick Just for the Sponge Baths?
Unpaid Informants: Wireless
Flash News Service, Baird Jones, Las Vegas Review Journal,
National Review Online, Roberto Rivera, Trivia Time.
Copyright © 2001 by Roy Rivenburg
Distributed by Creators